Just for Laugh

have any1 here watched a sitcom called George Lopez?

 

Oh no ..I don 't know anything ..that is laugh ....

 

Hey guys, i just found out some jokes in my guild's forum and they're pretty fun.
Let's check it out.

1)

One day Ah Bee And Ah Hua Are Getting Married.

So Ah Bee's Father Told Ah Bee That On The Wedding Night That To Make Ah Hua Happy ,
He Will Have To Lick The Place Where Ah Hua Urine For Some Time.

The Next Day , Ah Hua Was Crying To Her Father-In-Law.

Why?

Because Ah Bee Was In The Toilet Licking The Toilet Bowl Whole Night.

2)

A guy died and went to hell,
in hell, the demon guard told him that heaven was full,,
so he would have to replace someone from hell.
And that someone has already been suffering for long enough,
and he will be sent to heaven.

So de guy was brought to 3 rooms which he could choose from.

Inside the first room,
he saw another Demon Guard and a guy,
he was mortified and the Demon was peeling off the guy's skin.
He immediately refused that room.

Inside the second room,
he saw another Demon Guard and another guy.
This time, de Demon was chopping the guy's hands into tiny pieces.
Again, the guy refused the room

Inside the third room,
he saw a Guy and a Girl.
The girl was giving the guy a blowjob.
The guy thought, I would love to replace this guy
So he told de Demon Guard, I want this room

The Demon Guard nodded his head,
he pointed to the girl and said
\\"You're free to go to Heaven.\\"

3)

A guy died went to hell,
in hell, the Demon Guard, told him to choose a room,
to serve his punishment.

Inside the First room,
all those being punished,
were balancing on their heads,
on cement flooring.
The guy was afraid of pain,
so he refused the room.

Inside the Second room,
all those being punished,
were balancing on their heads,
on spiky wooden boards.
The guy refused again,
knowing it would hurt more.

Inside de Third room,
all those being punished,
were standing in knee-deep cowdung,
drinking coffee and chatting.
The guy immediately agreed to that room.

The Demon Guard, told him to stand in de cowdun first,
while he went to fetch a cup of coffee for him.
The guy had barely stood in de cowdung for a minute when..
\\"ALL THOSE IN ROOM THREE,
YOUR COFFEE BREAK IS OVER,
GET BACK ON YOUR HEADS!\\"

4)

Once upon a time, there was an army group.
The general wanted to train up his soldiers properly,
so that in times of danger,
they would be ready and defend their country bravely.

So, he made all his soldiers stand in snow naked,
he believed that it would train their edurance.
So, all the soldiers, reluctantly stripped and stepped out into the Snow.
They were made to stand at attention for 24 hours,
before they could take a break.

The general inspected them,
he notice one soldier slouching a little,
he took his baton and smacked the soldier's back.
The general asked \\"Does it hurt?\\"
The soldier replied \\"No sir.\\"
The general asked \\"Why not?\\"
The soldier replied \\"Because I am a proud US soldier!\\"

he notice one soldier's head tilted
he took his baton and smacked the soldier's head.
The general asked \\"Does it hurt?\\"
The soldier replied \\"No sir.\\"
The general asked \\"Why not?\\"
The soldier replied \\"Because I am a proud US soldier!\\"

he notice one soldier's hand holding his dick
he took his baton and smacked the soldier's dick.
The general asked \\"Does it hurt?\\"
The soldier replied \\"No sir.\\"
The general asked \\"Why not?\\"
The soldier replied \\"Because it belongs to the guy behind me!\\"

5)

Tarzan and Jane wanted to have sex,
so Tarzan searched the jungle for a Condom Shop.

The shopowner gave him one, and guaranteed satisfaction.
The next day, Tarzan returned with a complaint
\\"Tarzan mmph, Jane mmph, Condom PIAK!\\"

The shopowner asked why was he so violent and
gave Tarzan a steel condom instead.
The next day, Tarzan returned with a complaint
\\"Tarzan mmph, Jane mmph, Condom PIAK!\\"

The shopowner gave Tarzan a titanium condom,
the shopowner was very sure, it would not break anymore.
The next day, Tarzan returned with a complaint
\\"Tarzan mmph, Condom mmph, Jane PIAK!\\"

6)


There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on
shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She
figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one
night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down
and saw her husband was
holding a battery-operated leisure
device... a vib rator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a
real one.

She went completely ballistic. \\"You impotent rat,\\" She
screamed at him, \\"How could you be lying to me all of these
years? You better explain yourself!\\"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
\\"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids.\\"


7)

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived
home from work to find the children bathed, one load of
laundry in the washer and another in the dryer.

Dinner was on the stove,
and the table set. She was
astonished! It turns out that Ralph had read an article
that said wives who work full-time and had to do their own
housework were too tired to have s e x.

The night went well and the next day, she told her office
friends all about it. \\"We had a great dinner. Ralph even
cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded
all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the
evening.\\"

\\"But what about afterward?\\" asked her friends.

\\"Oh, that ..., Ralph was too tired..\\"

God is good.

Cool

Alice and Frank were Bungee jumping one day. Alice says
to
Frank, \\"You know we could make a lot of money running our
own Bungee-jumping business in Mexico.\\"

Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money
and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord,
insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As
they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to
assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them
at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd,
they thought it would be a good idea to give a
demonstration, so Alice jumps.

She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back
up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls
again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is
bruised and bleeding.

Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls
again and bounces back
up. This time, she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got
a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says,
\\"What happened? Was the cord too long?\\"

Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, \\"No, the Bungee cord was
fine...it was the crowd!....What the H E L L is a piñata?!\\"

9)

this american man ask his chinese cousin 2 take care of his shop for one day

but the chinese man onli noe how 2 say \\"$2.50\\" and \\"of course\\" and \\"if you dont someone else will\\"

the first customer walked in. he asked how much was a ps2

the chinese man said \\"$2.50\\"

he said \\" r u sure?? \\"

the chinese man \\"of course\\"

he said \\"it mite b fake,mabbe i should not buy it\\"

the chinese man \\"if you dont someone else will\\"

the man bought the ps2

the second customer came in, the small boy wanted one little lollypop

the chinese man \\"$2.50\\"

small boy \\"why so ex?? isit that nice??\\"

the chinese man \\"of course\\"

small boy \\"i have 2 use all mi money 2 buy it\\"

the chinese man \\"if you dont some1 else will\\"

the small boy bought the little lollipop

then a robber came in, he took out a gun and ask how much he has in the shop

chinese man \\"$2.50\\"

robber \\"shut up,are you playing around with mi??\\"

chinese man \\"of course\\"

robber \\"do u wan mi 2 shoot u??\\"

chinese man \\"if u dont some1 else will\\"


Zen Sarcasm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.

2. Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone
else.

3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet

4. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a
mile away and you have their shoes.

5. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you.

6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.

7. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.

8. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither
one works.

9. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your
lips are moving.

10. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.

11. If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.

12. I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

13. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

14. Never try to drown your troubles... especially if she can swim.

15. Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.

16. Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

17. A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station.

18. Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which,
without them, we wouldn't have.

19. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

20. Girls are like internet domain names...
the ones I like are already taken.

21. Finally 21 and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing since 15.

22. Success is relative- the more success, the more relatives.

___________________________________________________

The moment you are in TENSION

You will lose your ATTENTION

Then you are in total CONFUSION

and you'll feel IRRITATION
This may spoil your personal RELATIONS
Untimately, you won't get COOPERATION
And get things into COMPLICATION

Then you may raise CAUTION.
And you have to take MEDICATION
Why not try understanding the SITUATION

And try to think about the SOLUTION

Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION
Which will work out better in your PROFESSION

Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION

It is only for your PREVENTION
If you understand my INTENTION
You'll never come again into TENSION!!!!!


___________________________________________________

You are Chinese
One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.

Love me?
Do you believe in LOVE at first sight or do I have to walk by again? ?

The more - The Less
The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning??

Woman charges
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $$$ per minute.

Butt Cheek
What did one butt cheek say to the other cheek? 'If we stick together we can stop this nuts!

Robbery Now
Robbery Now! Raise ur hands! women stand @ right, men left! half-man-half- woman centre! HEY U! yes u! stand centre! don't pretend looking @ the handphone!

Remind me
Please remind me to remind you about reminding me to send you this reminder that reminds me of reminding you that I AM THERE FOR YOU. Don't forget.

Moon is beautiful
I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I... I'd rather look at the moon again..

Good Bra
A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find- comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart!

Why dosen't it rain?
The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCkYfYa8ePI

 

i wanna **** you_ akon . it's so good !!!

 

excuse me papi
Some tale from ur post. Did you change it from vietnamese into Eng
I read it in vietnamese before :) So i was really ..

 

An Arabian was interviewed at the US Embassy.

- Consul: What is your name?

- Arab. : Abdul Aziz

- Consul: Sex?

- Arab.: Six to twelve times a week.

- Consul: I mean, Male or female?

- Arab.: Both male and female, sometimes even camels.

- Consul: Holy cow!

- Arab.: Yes, cows and dogs too.

- Consul: Man, isn't it hostile?

- Arab.: Horse style, dog style, any style.

- Consul: Oh dear!

- Arab.: Deer? No deer, they run too fast.

 

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)
- Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
- Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
- Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
- Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
- Caller: I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
- Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
- Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)?as involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital.
- Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this.

 

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a ******* checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, dammit. I said I want to open a ******* checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no ******* problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the ******* lottery and I want to open a ******* checking account in this ******* bank."

"I see," says the manager, "and is this ******* b!tch giving you a hard time?"

===================================================
1. I was so poor growing up if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home. "I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly that my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly that my mother had morning sickness.....AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly that I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

=========================================
A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ - depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

========================================

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

ANSWERS

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?
Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange... of course



What do you mean you failed??!!!!!
=========================================
TOP 10 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN

(and what they really mean)

10. I think of you as a brother = (you remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance)

9. There's a little difference in our ages = (You are one Jurassic geezer)

8. I'm not attracted to you in "that" way = (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on)

7. My life if too complicated right now = (I don't want you spending the whole night, or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing)

6. I've got a boyfriend = (Who's really my male cat)

5. I don't date men where I work = (Hey bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building)

4. It's not you, it's me = (It's not me, it's you)

3. I'm concentrating on my career = (even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you)

2. I'm celibate = (I've sworn off only the men like you)

and the number one rejection line given by women... (and what it really means)

1. Let's be friends = (I want you to stick around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with)


TOP 10 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY MEN

(and what they really mean)

10. I think of you as a sister = (you're ugly)

9. There's a slight difference in age = (you're ugly)

8. I'm not attracted to you in "that" way = (you're ugly)

7. My life's too complicated right now = (you're ugly)

6. I've got a girlfriend = (you're ugly)

5. I don't date women where I work = (you're ugly)

4. It's not you, it's me = (you're ugly)

3. I'm concentrating on my career = (you're ugly)

2. I'm celibate = (you're ugly)

and the number one rejection line given by men... (and what it really means)

1. Let's be friends = (you're ugly)

=================================================================
A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.

The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to the old couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat.

This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady.

Ma'am, why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?" She answered...











(Keep scrolling...)































"The teeth."

=====================================================

25 Signs You Have Grown Up

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question..
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "breakup."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.
===============================================================

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had "covertly" funded a project with U.S. automakers for the past 5 years, whereby the automakers were installing black-box voice recorders in 4-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's in an effort to determine in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh Shit!" Only Kentucky was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer, I'm gonna try somethin'".

================================================================


The badass
A bartender has a problem with a regular customer who nightly proclaims that he's the baddest ass person around. Eventually tiring of this boasting, the bartender says, "If you are such a bad ass, then you'll have to prove it to me."

The customer says, "No problem, name it."

The bartender says, "Okay, there's three things you have to do: first, there's this big bully at the end of the bar who's been hassling my customers all night; you have to kick him out of the bar. Secondly, I have an alligator in the back room that has had an abcessed tooth for the past week, you have to pull it. Third, there's a hooker upstairs who's never been satisfied, you have to go up there and make her cum."

The customer replies, "No problem" and commences to kick the bully out of the bar. After that he says, "OK, show me to the alligator." The bartender takes the man to the back room and shuts the door.

For about an hour there's a tremendous ruckus going on in the back room. The man eventually emerges with his clothes all torn and his body scratched and bitten, he goes up to the bartender and says, "OK, where's the hooker with the abcessed tooth?"

 

When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75-80 years old sitting on a park bench near J.C.Pennys and she was crying her eyes out.

I stopped and asked her what was wrong, and she said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground brewed coffee."

I said :"Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "he makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon."

I said; "Well, so why are you crying?" She said: "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite desert and then makes love to me until 2 a.m."

I said: "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!!!!!!!!!"
===========================================


Cool Person Test

Top 10 things that sound dirty in golf but aren't:
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with you back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired

And the number 1 thing in golf that sounds dirty but isn't:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first

================================

To: All Employees
From: Management

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the younger people who represent our future.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for employment outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the program is called SCREW. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with the upper management. This is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to Get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she already has AIDS (Additional Income From Dependents or Spouse). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). This company takes pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area.

If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job see your immediate supervisor.

YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE SHIT YOU CAN STAND.

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Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asks Darla, "How do you spell dumb?"

Darla says "d-u-m-b, dumb" The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."

She says, "Buckwheat is dumb".

Now spell "stupid".

Darla says "s-t-u-p-i-d, stupid".

The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."

Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."

Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says "Buckwheat, spell dictate."

Buckwheat stands an says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."

The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."

Buckwheat says, "I may be dumb, I may be stupid, but Darla say my dictate good."

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Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too.

Snow White relents and says "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around."

Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into water before she can. The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED.

Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?

Scroll down for the answer.







This should be easy for a person of your mental powers. Scroll down.













"SEVEN UP"

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Having a REAL bad day

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.

After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprights the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home.

After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin.

The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped . The stretcher dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.

Now THAT is a bad day...

 

yeah channel 41 Nickelodeon
Do u watch Drake, Josh, and their devilish sister ?